He's just like Sheldon

I can not find the words to express how much frustration I feel when someone who spends almost no time with my son, has an opinion about why he has to do therapy, take meds, and why he generally doesn't act like most 7 year old boys.  And don't get me wrong - I love Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory, but what's so funny on TV might not be as hilarious in real life.  We definitely see Alexander in Sheldon when it comes to following very specific rules socially, because he has no understanding of how to act, but the comparison ends there.

Here are some explanations I've been told to explain why Alexander has (or sometimes in their "opinion" hasn't)  epilepsy, developmental delays, sleep issues, behavior issues, speech therapy, OT, PT and even "explanations" for why he developed pubic hairs and other signs of puberty at the age of 5.  I should probably take the hint and not try to explain what he is going through to people, because they will never understand.

"he's fine"

"It's probably an allergy" (as in why he seemed to physically enter puberty at 5... and this was from a family member)

"he's an only child, we just have to pretend to be his siblings" (his adult siblings??)

"he's just like Sheldon" (!)

"he's normal" (whatever that means)

"he's just a quiet guy" (i.e. saying he was choosing not to talk)

"he's just clumsy" (disagreeing with his medical diagnosis of dyspraxia)

"he's just clumsy" (explanation of what turned out to be seizures)

"he just plays too much computer games (he doesn't, but when a computer game is his "thing", he does all his toy/imaginary play recreating it.  He did the same with car washes, buses and traffic lights, but that was "cute" because it wasn't a computer game)

"he's just a big teddy bear" (he is, but that is NOT the reason he wants to play with kids who are teasing him)

"stop worrying, he'll grow out of it"  ("it"??)

"he'll catch up" (how does one "catch up" half a lifetime of development without help?)

"he's just lazy" (why he tires easily - turns out his muscles are hypotonic)


I could go on and on.  What they never seem to understand that I do not WANT him to be different, or to have challenges - but he is different and has them all the same!  Pretending he doesn't would be a huge disservice!   I wish I could show these people how wrong they are. I know that their opinion about something they know nothing about shouldn't bother me so, but it always gets to me.

They don't have a binder full of reports, describing all their child's "deficits".

They get to sleep at night and maybe even chat with their husbands in the evenings.

They don't spend so much money paying for Children's hospital parking that it actually affects their budgets!

They don't have to try to convince their scared child that what he is seeing in bed is really not spiders, but his head "playing a trick" on him.  After this has passed, they also don't have to remind their child that "there's no spiders there, you don't have to look for them" when they worry every night at bedtime.

They don't feel that their child's teacher is the only one who truly understands.

They've never had to go to "team meetings" to be told about everything that is wrong with their child.

They don't find out their child was teased and choked on the school bus for months, but didn't have the communication skills to tell them about it.

They didn't spend every night, over 2 years explaining that "blankets make you hot, sheets cool you down", because their child would tell them "mommy I'm so hot.  I need a blanket to make me cool".  Only within the last couple of months does he accept that it is how it works.

They don't have to deal with the utter frustration of medication side effects, having to chose between bad and worse, then have people judge them for medicating their child at all.

They don't have to explain the very same, simple thing to their child every day, only to watch him do it again and again.

They don't have play dates with other kids, where 100% of the time their child ends up hiding under a blanket on his bed  and crying because of the stress.

Their kids have, and can make friends.

They haven't been in the situation where they spend 2 hours re-phrasing, minimizing and simplifying something basic they are trying to explain, only for him to not understand at all without his speech therapist drawing a cartoon, and using a "thermometer" to finally get him to "sort of" get it.


Also - most importantly.  They don't get to have my Alexander.  Yes it's hard, and yes I get tired and frustrated, but I wouldn't trade him for anything or anyone. While other mothers of 7 year-olds deal with attitude and "I'm bored" and kids talking back, I still have my sweet and very innocent boy, and it always makes up for all the hard parts.  Just please don't compare what he deals with, with a funny, quirky television character!