I feel that some of my early posts may have been negative or "ranty", but I think that might be because it's just been a rough little while. I promise more positive posts in the future - just not today ;)
Ever since I knew Alexander was "different", I worried about the day that he'd realize it, and potentially feel bad about it. Until he was 6, even if kids on the playground were calling him names, or telling him they didn't want to play with him, Alexander never understood it, and so was not hurt by it. My heart broke every single time of course, and I feel teary just writing about it. I've had to tell Alexander so many times that he does not want to play with "them" because they are not being kind, but he would just try to get out of my arms to run over to them and ask to play, and be upset with me for not letting him play. This would often lead to me taking him to a different playground - hopefully one with only toddlers on it.
Well, since he started 2nd grade, he has started to realize some things. He now notices when kids don't want to play with him, but still does not have the skills to deal with it properly.
This fall at school, his teacher and I spent weeks trying to figure out how to handle it, and what to do. He was bullied a few times in recess, and this mama bear immediately contacted the principal, his teacher, and had emails and meetings about it. I just couldn't send him to an environment where he'd be hurt, and not able to defend himself. The school reacted very appropriately, and the kids had to talk with the principal, and they made school wide changes to recess supervision, and his teacher kept a close eye on where Alexander was playing.
How do I get his classmates to be understanding? They are only 7 and 8 years old themselves, and with their limited perspective, they probably find Alexander fairly annoying. Did I just call my own child annoying? Yes, I sure did. He has a big heart, and not a mean bone in his body, but his complete and utter lack of understanding what's socially appropriate, combined with poor language skills and the maturity of a 3 year old makes him do incredibly frustrating things.
Examples:
He ALWAYS ALWAYS tells on ALL other kids. No matter how minor or unimportant - as soon as any kid breaks any rule, he'll burst it out loud to tell the teacher: "Mrs C!! Kate is tapping her pencil!!" "Mrs.C, Ricky isn't crossing his legs!", "Mrs. C, Cora is eating her snack". This will not make him many friends! Day after day, and week after week, I, his teacher, or both of us together would talk with him about taking care of himself, and not minding everyone else. Every time he'd listen, and every time he'd do it again.
Also, in recess, when the kids are being nice to him - often he doesn't understand the rules of the game they are playing, and then - in stead of trying to work it out - he goes directly to the supervisor to tell him/her that the kids are being mean to him. Then his teacher gets involved, and tries to get to the root of it, and it turns out the only problem was Alexander not understanding, and no amount of explaining would convince him of this - so now he's the kid who tells on them in class, and runs to the supervisor in recess.
Considering all this, Alexander has not been teased or bullied since the fall. Until today.
He came home telling me he'd had a horrible day, and when I asked why, he told me kids were calling him names in recess. Many questions later, I figure out that he'd been playing tag in recess, but when he was "it", he wasn't able to run fast enough to tag the other kids, and he kept tripping and crashing into things (due to his dyspraxia), so the kids all started pointing, laughing and calling him names. He told me they "emptied his bucket" and that it made him cry. Bucket fillers is a book/program teaching kids how to build eachother up (fill their bucket), rather than tear eachother down (emptying their buckets). For some reason, this was the one time he didn't think of contacting the recess supervisor, and so it remained unresolved. I will go have a chat with his teacher about it tomorrow, and we will find a way to deal with it.
How do I keep him from being bullied or teased? How do I keep his self esteem high while he is noticing his differences? How can I teach him proper friendship skills? Bleh! It's days like today that I wish I could just keep him home and not have to force him to face a sometimes cruel world!
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