Understanding the meaning of "meal" vs "snack"

Meal or snack time with Alexander has been stressful for a long time, but lately I realized I'd gotten a bit "lazy", and gotten in to the habit of bargaining with him about mealtime.  Basically Alexander is a picky eater, who doesn't like to try new foods.  His understanding of what a "meal" meant vs what a "snack" is, was basically non-existent.  With his big weight lossover the last several months, I've given in more when it comes to food, and in doing that I've created even more stress around eating.  It often feels like I am banging my head against that brick wall, and it makes me want to just give in to avoid the frustration.

 As with many things, I didn't quite know that he truly didn't understand - because it's such a very basic concept that "all kids" understand.  Then on Saturday, after arguing for the 3rd time that a bagel with butter was NOT a snack, nor was it an appropriate dinner, I had a light bulb moment.  I realized that he didn't know what these things meant at all, and that so much of my frustration with him was completely uncalled for.

Once again, I forgot that the part of his brain that processes what someone says with words to an understanding of what is said, is basically not functioning.  I so often find myself thinking he understands basic things that he just doesn't, and you'd think that by now, I'd stop making the same mistake again and again.

So I sat down at my computer and googled dozens of pictures of different foods.  I then found a picture of a plate, and used Photoshop to divide it in four (Carbs, Protein, Fruits/Veggies and Drinks and Dairy).  I know this is not  a perfect rendition of how much kids should eat of what, but my main idea was to show him that a  lunch and dinner generally should have a bit of all 4.  I then made sheets with pictures from each group, as well as a snack sheet and a "treat" sheet.  I also made a schedule of his day as far as eating goes.

 

 

I then bound them together and sat down with him to look through it.  I explained how a meal was like the plate, and that a snack is picked from the snack sheet.  Each sheet has a "not too much" section, to show him that some things, while they belong on the sheet, are not good to eat every day.  We read the book, and he went back to play.

2 hours later he told me he wanted a snack.  Bracing myself, I waited for him to ask for some kind of carb (bagel, toast or cereal), but in stead (with NO prompting) he said "Let me check my picture".  He found the snack page and studied it like a menu, and then went on to pick veggies and cheese!!!!!  He never even questioned why there wasn't any bread on the list, but rather accepted that snacks are what is found on this sheet.  This will mean hours of less arguing each week.


Now I am about to sit down and make a "social story" about what we do when we're in a rush - something else he doesn't grasp - and his aide at school is putting together pictures of different kinds of body language to help him interpret social situations appropriately.

I am definitely still getting used to knowing that it takes a visual aide for him to truly understand something - but I think we are lucky that we have this little insight in to how his brain works, and a way to facilitate understanding and growth.